Perinatal Mental Health | Meet Alex
Meet the lovely Alex! In this blog Alex bravely shares her experience with Postpartum Depression. Alex was happy to share her story because she wishes it was something she knew more about before falling pregnant. She thinks if her story helps even just one other mum reach out and get help then it’s absolutely worth sharing! Thank you Alex for your vulnerability - you are a fantastic mum and role model!
Can you tell us a little bit about your family?
In my family I have myself, my husband Matt and our wee son Miles who was born on the 3rd of December 2022. We live in Tāmaki Makaurau, where I’ve lived all my life. We decided to start trying for a family in 2022, and it had been something I had been waiting for what felt like forever! When I saw those two positive lines on the pregnancy test I felt so overjoyed, but also shocked - like woah, I’m going to be a Mum!
At what point did you realise you were suffering from Postpartum Depression?
I think I really rode that post-birth hormone high for quite some time… although my birth was anything from euphoric and joyful, your hormones after are just wild, so I spent a lot of time saying “yup, I’m good, I’m fine, I’m just tired”.
It took me about two and a half months before realising, that yes, while I was totally sleep deprived, the way I was feeling was more than “just being tired”. By the time I was around three months postpartum I really knew something was off.
What symptoms did you experience?
I was super snappy to my husband and had trouble expressing how I felt. I had periods of pure anger, for no reason, then swinging into panic attacks, met with a whole heap of crying, sadness, not wanting to leave the house and unable to cope with the simple task of feeding my baby.
It was rough, I felt a lot of guilt for these emotions, and really really struggled with that. I wanted to be a Mum for so long and now I couldn’t cope with these big overwhelming feelings of sadness.
How long did these symptoms last for?
Although the sadness was deep, it wouldn’t last long before I would swing back into being “happy” for a few days then I would fall right back down. It was like I was walking along and then suddenly I’d fall into a manhole and drop down, being super far away from the light at the top. But sometimes, the light wasn’t so far away, I could feel it, I could sense it and know ok this is temporary. But in the moments of being deep down in it, I really thought there was no way out. I felt incredibly alone. So although the feelings would last a few days at a time, the ups and downs were difficult also.
How did you take that first step in seeking help?
One day my husband said to me “I think you might have a bit of postpartum depression”. I didn’t really want to accept it. I thought… Me? Really? Nope, no way. I'm fine! But I was not fine.
After discussing it with him, and eventually acknowledging that I’m not ok, I began to speak more about it with my friends and family who helped me.
Eventually, I decided I needed more help and reached out to my GP and prescribed me medication. This was at about four months postpartum. That first step of acceptance was very difficult. I didn’t want to admit that I wasn’t ok and unable to cope on my own, I felt quite ashamed, even though it is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of and is completely out of my control. Once I accepted it, and was at peace with it, talking about it more helped.
What did you find really helped you through this period of your life?
I tried to do things that had previously brought me joy such as a walk with bubs in the front pack or pram outside with a nice coffee, ensuring I was continuing to eat and doing my regular She Moves workouts!
Although none of these things specifically took away the feelings I was having, the biggest thing that helped was support from my friends, family and my husband and accepting that I had postpartum depression and addressing it head on, knowing that I will get through this and that it doesn’t make me a bad Mum.
What advice would you give to another mum who might really be struggling with their mental health?
The one thing I would say first off, is you are not alone. It will feel like you are the only person in the world with these feelings but I can assure you, you’re not.
As difficult as it is, tell someone close to you how you feel. Speak to your doctor, your midwife, your Mum anyone! Seek help as soon as you start to feel things aren’t right.
Being a parent is challenging, and there are moments where you’re tested in a way you’ve never been before which is why I think so often postpartum depression is pushed aside. Acknowledging it, and not putting blame on the parent is extremely important. There should not be a stigma surrounding perinatal and postnatal depression and anxiety, and being diagnosed with either of these does not make you a bad parent. I still need to say that to myself, and remind myself that I’m being the best Mum to my son!
